Quote of the day

A dump in a carrier bag should be able to oust Gordon Brown.
-- the nameless libertarian, discussing DING.

Quote of the day

Cameron said it all apart from "Go back to your constituencies and prepare for opposition."

-- "EC" in the comments here.

On voting, again ...

OK, so a whole bunch of people feel like I'm some sort of nutter because I'm saying "vote Labour."

And to befair, I feel like a fucking nutter for saying it. But watch this, and then tell me that this lump of rancid cock cheese deserves your vote:



Seriously. I fucking double triple dare you.

So, anyway: if you can't bring yourself to vote for Labour, I can't say I blame you. I'm not sure I won't bottle it myself. But who can you vote for, rather than vote against?

I don't want to vote for any of the parties that actually have a chance of winning. I don't know who will be standing, but I'm pretty sure LPUK aren't standing here. So I've only got parties to vote against.

And frankly, I live in one of those places where they'll vote in a thieving, arrogant, complacent fuckpiece if he's wearing a blue rosette. I know they did last time. So I want to stick to him personally as much as anything.

Nah, fuck it. It's Labour for me this time.

Aha!

Aha!

Ahahahahahahaha!!!

DAVID Cameron is heading for defeat at the general election after a devastating poll showed his lead slashed to just TWO POINTS.

The Tories were in meltdown early today as word of the latest survey swept the party's last major rally before polling day.

It raises the unexpected prospect of Gordon Brown being returned to power for another five years.

DING: if you want to treat the electorate like an inconvenience interfering with your entitlement to office, if you refuse to offer an alternative to the one-eyed mong and if you keep spouting Blairite cock-spittle at us - this is what's gonna happen.

Twat.

Cuntservatives: please just go fuck yourselves

So, after my post saying I was going to vote Labour, I obviously had all the Tories rushing round saying that I'd be mad to do so. I should sign up with the Cuntservatives and change them from within. This is what Hannan and Carswell are doing, and it's the way to go.

Well, to all those that tried that tactic, may I say a heart-felt: "Fuck you. Fuck you very much."

Because Hannan and Carswell are regarded as utter fucking lunatics by the Tory leadership, who prefer to have policies like this instead:

Andrew Lansley, the Shadow Health Secretary, has launched the Conservative Party’s new green paper on public health - A Healthier Nation.

The Green Paper outlines how we will tackle Britain’s public health crisis by completely overhauling Labour’s failing system of dealing with public health.

Okaaaaayyyy ...

Much greater responsibility for tackling problems like obesity, drug use and teenage pregnancy will be devolved to communities on a new payment-by results basis, with extra rewards for improving the public health of the poorest. In spending their dedicated public health budgets, communities will be obliged to partner with local bodies, like schools, businesses, councils and GPs.

I'm sorry, Mr Lansley, but just chucking the word "devolved" in there doesn't fucking mean shit, you mendacious cunt. And what's with this "partnering" cockwaffle? Obliged? So if my local trust doesn't want to "partner", fuck them anyway? How is that "devolution", you lying fuck?

There will be a new focus on innovative strategies, with national campaigns harnessing the latest behaviour change research and delivered by providers who are paid by results. We will provide prizes for ‘open source’ suggestions for successful new public health strategies.

No. No. No. Just fucking NO!

National fucking campaigns are what we fucking have right now with Labour. How the cunting fuck can you be claiming to promote localism with national campaigns, devolution with orders from central government and radicalism when your spurting out the same old tired shit policies that we've seen from Labour for the last fucking decade?

A Conservative Government will work with business to draw up new ‘responsibility deals’ designed to prevent irresponsible activities and extend restrictions on unsuitable marketing to children throughout the media. We will introduce a clearer system of alcohol labelling which allows people to compare the amount they drink with other people, mandate the display of ‘guideline daily amounts’ on food packaging, and encourage restaurants and bars to publish more dietary information for their customers.

Aahhhh ... that will be the new focus on libertarianism from the Cuntservatives: nudging combined with hectoring, nannying and fucking outright bullying, which is completely fucking different from what Labour have been doing for the last 13 years, oh yes.

We will introduce a focus on public health throughout government, led by the Secretary of State for Public Health, with a series of measures including extra Sure Start health visitors, a school sports Olympics, better maternity care, and tough measures – including a tax on super-strength drinks – to curb binge-drinking.

This has me rocking back and forth in the corner of my office, keening. More "tough measures". More fucking telling people how to live their lives. More officious government diktats.

The Cuntservative Party already has libertarian-inclined MPs, MPs who have laid out their suggestions in a clear, easy-to-follow book. These MPs already have media presence, a fan base and a lot of attention. And DING and his merry dingbats are heading in the exact opposite direction.

So, for those of you who have tried to convince me that the thing to do is join the Tories and fix things from within and in the nicest possible way: fuck off. You're the mirror image of tribal Labour voters for whom the party can do no wrong.

You guys are the exact same type of people who have allowed Labour to arserape the country into a fucking zombie movie: my party above all, including fucking sanity.

How the fuck can you cunts dare to tell me that I should vote for this bunch of bullying statists because voting for the other bunch of bullying statists is some fucking terrible crime?

David Cameron is just as unprincipled and dangerous as Tony Blair. And he can fuck right off.

Update: The UK Libertarian looks at all six bullshit themes.

God help me

I have decided, I believe, who I am going to vote for in the coming elections. And it truly is something I'm going to do with gritted teeth and no small amount of personal anguish.

I'm going to vote for the Labour Party.

Not only am I going to vote for the Labour Party, but I urge you to vote for the Labour Party too.*

Now, you may well believe that I've either lost my senses or I've been kidnapped by Peter Mandelson who is currently writing this for me.

But neither of these is true.

I have come to the conclusion that there is little point in voting for a fringe party, because British people are still far too tribal to elect loads of little parties into parliament (although that would be great, too!)

The reality of this is that either the Tories or Labour are going to wind up running the show and contrary to what you might expect, I'd like it to be Labour that wins. Well, not really, what I'd like is for them to be burned at the stake, their ashes pulverized and then scattered to the four winds. But think about this: no matter who wins the election, we're going to be crucified for the next decade at least. The state is going to have to be decimated, spending programs will have to be slashed and the economy is going to be crushed under taxes and shit growth.

When the Major government won the '92 election, Major said that the only thing that would keep Britain afloat was the ERM. When we were unceremoniously ejected, his credibility and that of the Tory Party was bludgeoned into nothingness, something that took more than a decade for the Tories to even think about getting back.

Imagine what havoc would be wreaked upon Labour's credibility if they had to be the party of cuts, the party that actually inherited the consequences of their economic mismanagement? It would take a generation for them to recover. The faction fighting and internecine struggles would prevent them from doing any actual governing as well.

But even better, imagine what the consequences would be for the Tories if they were rejected at the polls again. The buttered new potato would certainly get the hoof, and the centrist, vapid, statist, social democratic wing of the Tory party would be rightly silenced. Iain Duncan Smith and his fucking one nation social justice would finally be consigned to the dustbin of history and who knows, the Tories might actually implode altogether.

And from the ruins of this morass of big government, quango-loving goat-felchers may well arise a different political system, one which recognises that British people have to potential to be something other than vacuous sheep. A political system that has learned the lesson that you cannot have everybody living at the expense of someone else. A political system that has learned that government is the problem, not the solution.

So once again, I ask you to vote Labour, but failing that: anyone but Dave.

*Unless there's an LPUK candidate in your area. Obviously.