Nerdy geekism

Google stats question

I can't understand how "Absolute Uniques" works. I run my stats from the 1st of the month to "today". Yesterday I had over N thousand AUVs, today I have fewer than N thousand AUVs. I could see how it might not increase, but how can it decrease?

Anyone know?

I agree

Just fuck off, Mr Whiney Moany. Do you have any fucking idea how much it costs to lay cable, you fucktard?

A Day in the Life

Tip of the clown wig to Clive.

Dear Facebook

Could you please stop fucking around? It seems like we just get used to your last fucking shambolic cuntwaftery and then you fuck it all around again!

Cunts!

There's geeky ...

... and then there's this.

Twitter, SSL and security

This story got me thinking:

A Turkish grad student has devised a serious, real-world attack on Twitter that targeted a recently discovered vulnerability in the secure sockets layer protocol.

The exploit by Anil Kurmus is significant because it successfully targeted the so-called SSL renegotiation bug to steal Twitter login credentials that passed through encrypted data streams. When the flaw surfaced last week, many researchers dismissed it as an esoteric curiosity with little practical effect.

For one thing, the critics said, the protocol bug was hard to exploit. And for another, they said, even when it could be targeted, it achieved extremely limited results. The skepticism was understandable: While attackers could inject a small amount of text at the beginning of an authenticated SSL session, they were unable to read encrypted data that flowed between the two parties.

Despite those limitations, Kurmus was able to exploit the bug to steal Twitter usernames and passwords as they passed between client applications and Twitter's servers, even though they were encrypted.

The reason he went after Twitter was:

Twitter proved an ideal platform to carry out the attack for several reasons. First, every request sent over the microblogging site includes the account holder's username and password. Second, the site's API made it easy to post the contents of the intercepted data stream into a message that an attacker could then retrieve.

Finally, many Twitter users send and receive messages using third-party applications. Many of those programs ignore error pages like those that would have resulted from Kurmus's attack, preventing victims from knowing anything was amiss.

So, here's my thinking on this: even though Twitter have fixed the bug on their side, you can rest assured that there are others. Twitter's implementation and "oauth" external authorisation model mean that it's always going to be a popular target.

The first thing you have to do is make sure you don't have a similar login/password combination on any other site. Always make sure Twitter has a different password to any other site that has the same login.

The second thing you have to do is to change your Twitter password fairly regularly. This means that even if your account is compromised, it won't be for too long.

Thirdly, always keep your eyes open for weird messages or behaviour. If something odd happens, it's probably worth changing your password immediately.

Security is a pain in the arse, but it's a price you have to pay.

I can't see this going wrong ...

... can you?

Ford is planning to open its Sync in-car computing platform to third party app developers

"My Sat-nav doesn't work!"

"Have you tried rebooting the car?"

"Fuck off, you cunt."

But wait, there's more!

"The way we're developing the toolkit, you could sit in the comfort of your home and plan a roadtrip," he says. Using a smartphone or computer, you'd then add points of interest or other plans. "At the click of a button, the cloud would make all that available to you in the car, and it would broadcast it to your social networking groups."

What, you mean like I've been doing with my TomTom for the last five years?

Major facepalmage!

Computers will stop getting faster

It seems that scientists have found an absolute speed limit for computers:

A pair of physicists has shown that computers have a speed limit as unbreakable as the speed of light. If processors continue to accelerate as they have in the past, we'll hit the wall of faster processing in less than a century.

Intel co-founder Gordon Moore predicted 40 years ago that manufacturers could double computing speed every two years or so by cramming ever-tinier transistors on a chip. His prediction became known as Moore's Law, and it has held true throughout the evolution of computers -- the fastest processor today beats out a ten-year-old competitor by a factor of about 30.

If components are to continue shrinking, physicists must eventually code bits of information onto ever smaller particles. Smaller means faster in the microelectronic world, but physicists Lev Levitin and Tommaso Toffoli at Boston University in Massachusetts, have slapped a speed limit on computing, no matter how small the components get.

"If we believe in Moore's laW ... then it would take about 75 to 80 years to achieve this quantum limit," Levitin said.

And it's quite possible that it will happen in my lifetime, too:

Scott Aaronson, an assistant professor of electrical engineering and computer science at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge, thought Levitin's estimate of 75 years extremely optimistic.

Moore's Law, he said, probably won't hold for more than 20 years.

I find it amazing that human ingenuity might take the electronic computer from its birth* in 1943 to its ultimate limit in less than a century.

And that's why I hate prodnoses and Luddites who want to curb human ingenuity. Don't bitch about the carbon emissions of the Saturn V rocket, instead, let man reach for the stars!

*I regard the code-breaking Colossus as the first real electronic computer: binary, programmable and capable of conditional processing.

A message to Gartner's shark-jumping team

Go fuck yourselves, you hectoring, nannying, unpleasant, light-weight fucking Nazis:

Businesses should introduce online dress codes for Avatars used by their staff at Work, the IT analyst Gartner said today.

Avatars are creeping into business environments and will have far reaching implications for businesses, from policy to dress code, behaviour and computing platform requirements, it said.

Jesus, is there no fucking limit to where people who fucking know better than us and want to fucking restrict how we live our lives?

Tip of the clown wig and a hearty "fuck you" to Subray for bringing this to my attention and spoiling my fucking good mood. Cunt.

Irony is ...

... your Twitter feed dying just as you decide where to shove it.

I guessed right

Vote here.

The best hardware firewall in the world!

Wow:

[this firewall will] manage to survive a DDoS Attack of more than 1,5 thousand Terabytes per second and in that attack accept only single packet of selected data

Pretty impressive stuff!

Update: On a related note:

I'm a bit lost here ...

For a bit of a laugh, I decided I'd follow Mary "Twat" Honeyball's twatter feed. She is a Labour MEP for London. (I follow Kerry "Mogadishu" McCarthy as well, but she hasn't said anything yet.)

So, up comes this twat: "Check out this SlideShare Presentation : End of the line for telephone scammers http://tinyurl.com/alfvwv"

Now, I've read this piece of cock sniffing, and it says:

The plague of telephone lottery scams, phoney prize draws and pyramid schemes is to be wiped out by tough new European laws championed by London MEP Mary Honeyball this week.

Because, of course, we don't have laws on the books for stuff like fraud already, do we? So fucking thanks for that Mary. By putting down another bit of EU-derived law, you're protecting us all HUGELY. Because the scammers will hear about the law, take fright and just fucking run away, won't they?

These laws offer consumers greater protection from scam pedlars, but as many of these scammers operate overseas, help from local councils and Trading Standards Offices to track down the culprits is needed.

Go on, then?

So over the next fortnight, London councils including Bexley, Brent, Camden, Ealing, Harrow, Greenwich, Hammersmith, Richmond, Tower Hamlets, Wandsworth and Westminster are taking part in a nation wide “Scamnesty”. This initiative asks local people to put all scam mail in clearly marked yellow bins placed in public areas such as libraries.

Pardon?

How the fuck is someone going to put a phone call into a clearly marked yellow bin, Mary?

But you know, it's odd that you should be banging on about this. You see, I'm sure that if I was on the receiving end of a serious scam, I'd contact someone who was paid to look into this kind of thing, like say, the police. (Or I would if the Labour Party hadn't co-opted the cuntwafts into the political establishment and de-focused them from actual crimes against individuals.)

But clearly, the police are fucking useless, which is why you can now solve crimes and abolish scams by simply dropping a phone call into a clearly marked yellow bin provided by Mary Honeyball, MEP. Which is nice.

Speaking out in favour of these new laws local MEP Mary Honeyball said: “These laws leave no hiding place for those who prey on the vulnerable and elderly, who scam over 3 million UK consumers each year, causing them lose a staggering total of £3.5 billion to scams annually.”

Er, so what you're saying is that the existing laws we've had for hundreds of years offered us no protection? Gosh, we really need to be grateful to these cunts, they've stepped up to the plate for the first time since the Civil War!

“Londoners’ support in tracking down these scammers by posting all scam mail in the clearly marked Scamnesty bins across the capital will help us track down these thieves and protect people’s savings in these tough economic times.”

Seriously, Mary, what the cunting fuck are you wittering on about? Do you really think that people are going to print off every bit of scam and stick it in your bins, instead of either binning it or falling for it? Do you think just having the email address is enough to secure a conviction without any of the fucking IP information or anything else?

Were you born that fucking stupid, or did you study it at the EU? I can't remember the last time an elected politician said something this utterly fatuous, and that's saying quite a lot.

Say what you like about web2.0 ...

... but people do listen:

Over the past few days, we have received a lot of feedback about the new terms we posted two weeks ago. Because of this response, we have decided to return to our previous Terms of Use while we resolve the issues that people have raised. For more information, visit the Facebook Blog.

If you want to share your thoughts on what should be in the new terms, check out our group Facebook Bill of Rights and Responsibilities.

An object lesson there for politicians of all stripes: admit you fucked up, roll back to the previous model and rethink your case.

How cool is that?***

You may or may not know that I am the world's biggest fan of Lotus Notes* -- the world's most efficient and bestest email client. I am also the world's biggest fan of SAP** -- the world's most efficient and bestest business software. So imagine my delight when I read this:

IBM kicked off its annual Lotusphere event dedicated to its Lotus Notes and Domino groupware and collaboration environment this weekend, having already launched Notes and Domino 8.5 at the recent Macworld.

First up at the Orlando, Florida, event was a peanut butter-and-chocolate combination of the Notes and Domino groupware software from IBM with mySAP Business Suite, SAP's flagship business-applications suite.

IBM said the resulting code, called Alloy, is the first jointly developed program created by the two companies.

Rather than use the application screens that come by default with Business Suite, the Alloy add-on deploys the SAP screens inside of Lotus Notes and makes use of the collaboration features in Domino. That means, for instance, executives don't have to learn two systems - one for getting data about the business and one for collaborating with employees.

Domino, being an application development and runtime environment in its own right, has its own workflow software, but Alloy makes use of workflow, reporting, and analytic modules inside Business Suite, which can then be customized with Notes and Domino or the SAP development tools.

All I can say to this is "w00t!".

* This might be a lie.
** This too.
*** Not at fucking all.

Twitter Twatter

This made me laugh:

I can tell you that making fun of Twitter's feeble attempt at engineering is like making fun of a kid with Down syndrome: It's only funny the first couple of times.

And:

It's really unfortunate there are people who care so much about Twitter. (Personally, I blame marijuana: it's easier to get and more popular than LSD – and it still allows you to have an opinion about something).

Well worth a read, I thought!

Update: Via Mrs Dale, this.

LOLCODE

I found this interesting new programming language on Wikipedia. Perhaps Timmy might want to take up writing software now?

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
IM IN YR LOOP UPPIN YR VAR TIL BOTHSAEM VAR AN 10
        VISIBLE SUM OF VAR AN 1
IM OUTTA YR LOOP
KTHXBYE

UK government declares war on the old foe!

That's right, motorists, we're coming for you:

Drivers will have to declare every 10 years whether they are medically able to get behind the wheel, according to proposals to be set out early in the new year.

For the first time, the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) will issue a series of minimum physical and mental requirements motorists must fulfil including eyesight performance and reaction times.

Tests, costing up to £80, will be offered to drivers to check whether they are fit to drive.

Anyone who chooses not to take the tests but declares themselves able to take to the roads will be committing a criminal offence if they fail to meet the established standards.

At first, anyway. After several well-publicised incidents of people getting their self-assessment wrong, a taxpayer-leeching quango will use government funds to pressure the government into making us all take the tests every 10 years turning it into a nice little earner.

(Tip of the hat to John Pickworth in the comments here for that one.)

But not content with this pointless cuntwaftery, we have this little doozy:

Speed-limiting devices should be fitted to cars on a voluntary basis to help save lives and cut carbon emissions, according to a new report.

Do you know what? I'm going to get one of these fucking things and drive everywhere in second gear. That will fuck their carbon emission shit right in the fucking eye. Interesting that cutting carbon emissions is right up there with saving lives, eh?

BBC, please go fuck yourself.

The government's transport advisers claim the technology would cut road accidents with injuries by 29%.

29%? Why not 28%? or 30%? Is this "29%" perhaps just a number that you pulled out of your arse that sounds like it's been calculated because 30% would be too convenient? Where is the proof that this will happen?

The device automatically slows a car down to within the limit for the road on which it is being driven.

But charity Safe Speed says the devices are dangerous because they encourage drivers to enter a "zombie mode".

I think it's fair to say that the average British driver is heading for a vegetative state already.

Ministers are planning to help councils draw up digital maps with details of the legal speed on every road.

The speed-limiting devices will then use satellite positioning to check a vehicle's location and when its speed exceeds the limit, power will be reduced and the brakes applied if necessary.

Yeah, like when you're overtaking someone just before entering a town and suddenly half-way through the overtake your car stops. Fucking cunts. Is this possibly another soundbite-driven government initiative that sounds vaguely like it's based on a bad misunderstanding of what technology can do? Just like all their fucking databases?

The Commission for Integrated Transport and the Motorists' Forum, which both advise the government, are calling on ministers to promote a wide introduction of the system.

Well, I can tell you know, mate, that if I ever get my hands on the greasy pole of power, the very first quangoes that will get their marching orders will be you two groups of mongtarded fucking cockwafts.

John Lewis, from the Motorists' Forum, told BBC Breakfast he believed the devices would help drivers obey limits and therefore keep their licences.

John, I'd like to point out that the Archhelmet of Cuntbuggery believes that there is a sky fairy who created the world. That does not fucking make it so. Can I further point out that you are a nasty, totalitarian piece of shit who thinks he knows better than anyone else what is right and what is wrong?

"But we believe that the system should be a voluntary system, that the drivers decide if they have fitted to their car or not, and that they decide if they want to over-ride the speed limit - that should be their choice," he said.

At first, anyway. After several well-publicised incidents, etc., etc.

There would also be a positive impact on emissions and fuel consumption, he added.

Not if I drive everywhere in second gear, you cock-biting fucktard.

Jon York, fleet manager for British Gas, whose vans are already limited to 70mph, told BBC Radio 5 Live the system had reduced road incidents for the company.

Prove it, baby.

But he said the introduction of technology had to be combined with safety education.

"It does aid road safety, it does reduce incidents, but it is part of a wide-ranging number of initiatives within British Gas and one of those is driver training because you have to change people's behaviour."

But Claire Armstrong, from the road safety charity Safe Speed, said that the devices could be dangerous.

She said truck drivers using speed-limiting devices had been shown to "go into fatigue mode or zombie mode" and stopped paying attention to the road.

"That makes it highly dangerous in those scenarios. So you've taken the responsibility away from the driver and that is not [good] for road safety."

Derek Charters, from the Motor Industry Research Association, believes limiting speed automatically could cause accidents.

"The last thing you need is one car to be overtaking and then pull back in, in front of the cars in front, because that braking event will then cause everybody to start to slow down, which will then compress the traffic, which then causes an incident."

Motoring journalist Quentin Wilson said he also believed taking away driver control was a "really, really bad thing".

"Remotely policing the roads from satellites in the sky - I would worry about it an awful lot."

I'm vaguely surprised that children weren't mentioned in this cockwaffle. You know, saving kids' lives and all.

I think I'm going to go out for a drive.

While I'm still allowed to.

Bollocks

Talking out of the arse:

Are you frustrated with how difficult it can be to find information? What makes this more irksome is that the vendor community seems to have just woken up to the fact that there's a lot of information 'out there' to manage. Translated, this means that some of the larger vendors have recently got their act together with information management solutions (IMS) technology. The rest of the world has dealt with the challenge since time immemorial.

Bullshit. Vendors have been saying for decades that there's a lot of information out there and offered solutions with various degrees of "comprehensiveness" (is there such a word) ... cunts just haven't been buying them.

Stop playing the "poor hard-done-by luser" card, you mong.