Obnoxio The Clown

I reckon it's going to be a great year, what with the Gorgon and his merry band of jolly elves leading us forward. We are well-placed to face the recession, so the prospect of losing 1600 jobs per day shouldn't concern us at all. Or pay cuts.

Plus, despite the fact that we live on an island where it pisses down all year long, we're running out of water. The government is planning new ways of regulating this, of course, which means that there will be more quangoes and more quangocrats and more people sticking their fucking nose into how you live your life.

Despite all the government hullabaloo, there are now record numbers of fatal stabbings. So perhaps it will merely be a quick, painful death by blade, rather than a protracted, excruciating death by thirst.

The housing market is fucked in the extreme, so you can't sell up and bail out.

The government looks like it's launching a massive crackdown on blogging and there will be more salami-slicing of a thousand years of civil liberties. And because the cunts are going after the drinkers and the fatties now that they've fucked the smoker, you won't even be able to drink yourself blotto to forget.

Twenty-five years after it was predicted, I reckon 2009 will be the real 1984.

Happy New Year!

The New Year's Eve Special Edition!

Informix kicks out Oracle (so good I had to put it in again!) Same for the No 1 rating.

Another ex-Informixer gets a namecheck.

Ispirer supports Informix.

SQLAPI++ speaks Informix. But do you speak Japanese?

Interesting geek blog (also mentions Informix.)

IBM Database Mag has an article about hot backups.

Connection strings for Informix.

Rose::DB::Informix for Perl. Apache::Session::Store::Informix for Perl.

Fancy reviewing software maintenance for OnLine?

ASP.NET DSNless connections.

Spam people with Informix. Yay! Update: Apparently the link contains viruses. So I broke the link, but you can still work it out.

Sequel database toolkit for Ruby supports Informix.

Inguma penetration testing toolkit supports Informix.

Informix programmer job in Hong Kong.

O'Reilly book covers Informix backups (among others.)

Eric has some strong advice for SAP.

These days, all big companies — and most medium-sized companies — are software companies. By this I mean that the company’s software (particularly custom software they’ve made) and associated data is integral to the success of their business.

And:

The fact that every company is a software company has implications. The most important is that software is something companies have to understand. A company can’t hope to just outsource its computing operations and that way the managers not have to deal with or understand it.

I've said this since the dawn of outsourcing. IT is not just a golem to stave off manual work, it can and should be something that differentiates you from your competitors. Embrace bespoke stuff, it gives you an edge. Don't just look at cost savings, look at revenue generation and retention.

As Thomas J Watson famously said all those years ago: "Fucking think, you cunt."

And so late in the day as well!

He may lounge around in a tracksuit all day, but the Cunto di Tutti Cunti can, at least, see clearly now:

It is true that we had ten years of record growth when I was prime minister. I have, unfortunately, come to the conclusion that it was luck.
- Tony Blair, in a lecture to Yale University

"Cunto di Tutti Cunti". Heh.

... which is why I'm freezing my cock off and the heating's been on non-stop for the last 48 hours.

We've definitely reached a tipping point. The next cunt who opens his yap to witter on about global warming will be bludgeoned to death with the nearest frozen tree and have icicles shoved up his arse.

And no, I'm not being facetious:

The Government's Qualifications and Curriculum Authority admitted the rush to find a company to run exams in 2009 meant there was "no guarantee" results would be delivered on time.

It said a lack of time to draw up detailed plans, run trial tests and ensure markers were up to the job "could well result in failure" to meet deadlines.

The hiring of a new firm was carried out in just nine weeks - instead of the nine to 12 months normally spent finding a contractor, the QCA warned.

Ed Balls, the Schools Secretary, appeared to accept the possibility of a delay, saying he "understood" concerns the deadline "may not be met".

The admission - in series of letters between the QCA and Mr Balls - represents the most stark warning yet of further disruption for thousands of schoolchildren across England.

Fears will be heightened by the decision just a fortnight ago to axe the QCA's testing wing - the National Assessment Agency - and suspend its two top civil servants following a damning official report into last summer's marking blunders.

Jesus. Why does this fucking government insist upon farming out operational responsibility to managerialist "experts" who can't organise the fucking proverbial pissup in a brewery?*

There is a long fucking line of cock-up after cock-up, and this from the party who insisted the key issue was "education, education, education."

The only consolation for the kids is that the education is so fucking shit anyway, it doesn't matter whether they get streamed or not. They'll still be illiterate and innumerate at the end of it all.

Nice going. I hope all you Labour tribal voters are fucking proud of yourselves. And I hope you all get fucking face cancer.

Cunts.

*I know: it's so that they can't blamed for anything when it goes wrong, but can still crow in the unlikely event of something going right, the cunts.

If that's not an ad hominem attack, I don't know what is:

Ritchie:

But Tim comes from a very different part of the political and, might I say it, social spectrum.

Whooooo ... hark at her!

(The backstory.)

Sorry, it's in German, but the upshot of this is that anybody with a laptop and a 23 Euro piece of generally available kit can crack DECT encryption. That doesn't sound too worry, until you discover that all those cordless credit card machines in restaurants use ... DECT!

Do these fucking fucks in the supposedly security-aware financial sector have a fallback option? My guess is no.

Cunts.

Update: found the English version.

Those Continentals, just so damn suave and elegant, aren't they?

Hat tip to el Reg.

That's right, motorists, we're coming for you:

Drivers will have to declare every 10 years whether they are medically able to get behind the wheel, according to proposals to be set out early in the new year.

For the first time, the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) will issue a series of minimum physical and mental requirements motorists must fulfil including eyesight performance and reaction times.

Tests, costing up to £80, will be offered to drivers to check whether they are fit to drive.

Anyone who chooses not to take the tests but declares themselves able to take to the roads will be committing a criminal offence if they fail to meet the established standards.

At first, anyway. After several well-publicised incidents of people getting their self-assessment wrong, a taxpayer-leeching quango will use government funds to pressure the government into making us all take the tests every 10 years turning it into a nice little earner.

(Tip of the hat to John Pickworth in the comments here for that one.)

But not content with this pointless cuntwaftery, we have this little doozy:

Speed-limiting devices should be fitted to cars on a voluntary basis to help save lives and cut carbon emissions, according to a new report.

Do you know what? I'm going to get one of these fucking things and drive everywhere in second gear. That will fuck their carbon emission shit right in the fucking eye. Interesting that cutting carbon emissions is right up there with saving lives, eh?

BBC, please go fuck yourself.

The government's transport advisers claim the technology would cut road accidents with injuries by 29%.

29%? Why not 28%? or 30%? Is this "29%" perhaps just a number that you pulled out of your arse that sounds like it's been calculated because 30% would be too convenient? Where is the proof that this will happen?

The device automatically slows a car down to within the limit for the road on which it is being driven.

But charity Safe Speed says the devices are dangerous because they encourage drivers to enter a "zombie mode".

I think it's fair to say that the average British driver is heading for a vegetative state already.

Ministers are planning to help councils draw up digital maps with details of the legal speed on every road.

The speed-limiting devices will then use satellite positioning to check a vehicle's location and when its speed exceeds the limit, power will be reduced and the brakes applied if necessary.

Yeah, like when you're overtaking someone just before entering a town and suddenly half-way through the overtake your car stops. Fucking cunts. Is this possibly another soundbite-driven government initiative that sounds vaguely like it's based on a bad misunderstanding of what technology can do? Just like all their fucking databases?

The Commission for Integrated Transport and the Motorists' Forum, which both advise the government, are calling on ministers to promote a wide introduction of the system.

Well, I can tell you know, mate, that if I ever get my hands on the greasy pole of power, the very first quangoes that will get their marching orders will be you two groups of mongtarded fucking cockwafts.

John Lewis, from the Motorists' Forum, told BBC Breakfast he believed the devices would help drivers obey limits and therefore keep their licences.

John, I'd like to point out that the Archhelmet of Cuntbuggery believes that there is a sky fairy who created the world. That does not fucking make it so. Can I further point out that you are a nasty, totalitarian piece of shit who thinks he knows better than anyone else what is right and what is wrong?

"But we believe that the system should be a voluntary system, that the drivers decide if they have fitted to their car or not, and that they decide if they want to over-ride the speed limit - that should be their choice," he said.

At first, anyway. After several well-publicised incidents, etc., etc.

There would also be a positive impact on emissions and fuel consumption, he added.

Not if I drive everywhere in second gear, you cock-biting fucktard.

Jon York, fleet manager for British Gas, whose vans are already limited to 70mph, told BBC Radio 5 Live the system had reduced road incidents for the company.

Prove it, baby.

But he said the introduction of technology had to be combined with safety education.

"It does aid road safety, it does reduce incidents, but it is part of a wide-ranging number of initiatives within British Gas and one of those is driver training because you have to change people's behaviour."

But Claire Armstrong, from the road safety charity Safe Speed, said that the devices could be dangerous.

She said truck drivers using speed-limiting devices had been shown to "go into fatigue mode or zombie mode" and stopped paying attention to the road.

"That makes it highly dangerous in those scenarios. So you've taken the responsibility away from the driver and that is not [good] for road safety."

Derek Charters, from the Motor Industry Research Association, believes limiting speed automatically could cause accidents.

"The last thing you need is one car to be overtaking and then pull back in, in front of the cars in front, because that braking event will then cause everybody to start to slow down, which will then compress the traffic, which then causes an incident."

Motoring journalist Quentin Wilson said he also believed taking away driver control was a "really, really bad thing".

"Remotely policing the roads from satellites in the sky - I would worry about it an awful lot."

I'm vaguely surprised that children weren't mentioned in this cockwaffle. You know, saving kids' lives and all.

I think I'm going to go out for a drive.

While I'm still allowed to.

Just ... why?

Anthony Duggan, head of fire services at the LGA, said: "The fire service needs to be representative of the area it serves.

"It is important that the fire service attracts more women and ethnic minorities so that it can work more effectively in partnership with local authorities and other organisations to meet the needs of local people."

So, fuckwit, if my area is populated by aging pensioners, you reckon the firemen have to employed loads of old duffers? No. This is just some fatuous fuckmongering by another unelected bunch of thieving cunts who want to steal more money from the taxpayer.

Just

FUCK

OFF!!

Everybody is banging on about the Gaza fucking around, so I might as well add my tuppence worth. Broadly speaking, I'm on the side of Israel, largely because I grew up with a lot of Jewish friends, which is probably not sufficient reason at all, really, but from reading some of the comments over at Mrs Dale and Old Felcher I don't think it's any less reasonable than some of the utter crap that I'm reading there.

There have been times when I have absolutely disagreed with Israel's response to provocation or the fact that they appear to have provoked violence. But in this case, I am comfortable in my own mind they're perfectly entitled to go in there and kick the fuck out of Hamas, who really don't appear to be doing anything useful in making Palestine into a viable state. Lobbing amateur rockets at a heavily-armed neighbour is suicidal, and the Israelis were never going to put up with it. Even though the Palestinians voted them in, Hamas can hardly be accused of putting the cause of Palestine first. Frankly, I'd hope that the Israelis wipe out Hamas completely and a more useful Palestinian authority gets elected and they start rebuilding the Gaza strip.

Although I suspect I'll still be blogging about this shit in 2035.

If Andy "Hoon" Burnham doesn't get his fucking way.

The cunt.

From the Mises Economic blog:

Here's Lionel Robbins, from his 1934 book The Great Depression, giving us the advice that was ignored then and is being ignored now:

"The habit of intervening to prop up unsound positions and to support particular interests must cease. Nothing must be done which will encourage business men to believe that they will not be allowed to go under if they make mistakes or if the conditions of the market make necessary a contraction of their industry. Instead of being more and more an official of the State, hampered on all sides by administrative rules and regulations, the business man should be freed as far as possible to perform that function which is his main justification in a society organized, not for the benefit of the part but of the whole, namely, the assumption of risk and the planning of initiative. The same principle must underlie the treatment of private property. Property must be left to stand on its own legs. Intervention to maintain the value of existing property - i.e., to frustrate the effects of change in the conditions of demand and supply - must cease. The property owner must learn that only by continually satisfying the demands of the consumer can he hope to maintain intact its value. Only in such conditions can we hope for the emergence of a structure of industry which is stable in the sense that it can change without recurrent catastrophe."

This is something rather unexpected. One of the traditional assumptions about open source software is that there would be an effectively infinite supply of developers who would be contributing, especially to something as visible as Open Office.

But it seems that this is not the case:

it should be clear that OO.o is a profoundly sick project, and worse one that doesn't appear to be improving with age.

Eek!

Crude as they are - the statistics show a picture of slow disengagement by Sun, combined with a spectacular lack of growth in the developer community. In a healthy project we would expect to see a large number of volunteer developers involved, in addition - we would expect to see a large number of peer companies contributing to the common code pool; we do not see this in OpenOffice.org. Indeed, quite the opposite we appear to have the lowest number of active developers on OO.o since records began: 24, this contrasts negatively with Linux's recent low of 160+. Even spun in the most positive way, OO.o is at best stagnating from a development perspective.

I wonder why this is? Are people becoming disillusioned with maintaining open source? Is the novelty wearing off, are the zealots moving on to "proper jobs"? Is the cachet of being an open source developer becoming too diluted now that there are so many millions of open source projects going?

Whatever it is, it's an interesting and somewhat worrying development. Because if it can happen to Open Office, surely it can happen to any open source project? The death of such a visible flag-bearing open source project would probably chuck a bucket of ice cold water over any IT manager looking to move towards open source software for anything.

It's no surprise that text bundles are so popular for them to do. Texts are effectively free for them:

A text message initially travels wirelessly from a handset to the closest base-station tower and is then transferred through wired links to the digital pipes of the telephone network, and then, near its destination, converted back into a wireless signal to traverse the final leg, from tower to handset. In the wired portion of its journey, a file of such infinitesimal size is inconsequential. Srinivasan Keshav, a professor of computer science at the University of Waterloo, in Ontario, said: “Messages are small. Even though a trillion seems like a lot to carry, it isn’t.”

Perhaps the costs for the wireless portion at either end are high — spectrum is finite, after all, and carriers pay dearly for the rights to use it. But text messages are not just tiny; they are also free riders, tucked into what’s called a control channel, space reserved for operation of the wireless network.

That’s why a message is so limited in length: it must not exceed the length of the message used for internal communication between tower and handset to set up a call. The channel uses space whether or not a text message is inserted.

So, to all intents and purposes, a text message is a free rider for the cell phone company. They're making massive amounts of profit, practically all the costs stem from the effort of billing you, rather than from the business of shifting the text around!

Professor Keshav said that once a carrier invests in the centralized storage equipment — storing a terabyte now costs only $100 and is dropping — and the staff to maintain it, its costs are basically covered. “Operating costs are relatively insensitive to volume,” he said. “It doesn’t cost the carrier much more to transmit a hundred million messages than a million.”

UNTIL Mr. Kohl began his inquiries, the public had no reason to think of the text-messaging business as anything but an ordinary one, whose operational costs rose in tandem with message volume. The carriers had no reason to correct such an impression.

Professor Keshav, whose academic research received financial support from one of the four major American carriers, discovered just how secretive the carriers are when it comes to this business. Two years ago, when he requested information from his sponsor about its network operations in the past so that his students could study a real-world text-messaging network, he was turned down. He said the company liaison told him, “Even our own researchers are not permitted to see that data.”

Once one understands that a text message travels wirelessly as a stowaway within a control channel, one sees the carriers’ pricing plans in an entirely new light. The most profitable plan for the carriers will be the one that collects the most revenue from the customer: unlimited messaging, for which AT&T and Sprint charge $20 a month and T-Mobile, $15.

Customers with unlimited plans, like diners bringing a healthy appetite to an all-you-can-eat cafeteria, might think they’re getting the best out of the arrangement. But the carriers, unlike the cafeteria owners, can provide unlimited quantities of “food” at virtually no cost to themselves — so long as it is served in bite-sized portions.

I'm interested whether any GSM phone company is prepared to fisk this. And while I'm all for companies making a healthy profit, the idea of them using assymetrical information by collusion to fuck over consumers doesn't sit well with me.

If so, it might be loaded up with free spyware and trojans:

With the Christmas holidays just past and opening up your electronic presents may get you all excited, but not for a selected lot of people who got the Mercury 1.5" Digital Photo Frame from Walmart (or other stores).

Also:

some larger digital photo frames have been delivered similarly infected this year, specifically Samsung's SPF-85H 8-inch digital photo frame, sold through Amazon among other vendors, which arrived with "W32.Sality.AE worm on the installation disc for Samsung Frame Manager XP Version 1.08, which is needed for using the SPF-85H as a USB monitor." Though Amazon was honest enough to issue an alert, that alert offers no reason to think that only Amazon's stock was affected.

I guess the point of it all is that any technical gubbins can now come with malware in the install media, you can't assume that any of it is safe any more.

... no, really:

A positive leap second will be introduced at the end of December 2008.
The sequence of dates of the UTC second markers will be:

2008 December 31, 23h 59m 59s
2008 December 31, 23h 59m 60s
2009 January 1, 0h 0m 0s

The difference between UTC and the International Atomic Time TAI is:

from 2006 January 1, 0h UTC, to 2009 January 1 0h UTC : UTC-TAI = - 33s
from 2009 January 1, 0h UTC, until further notice : UTC-TAI = - 34s

How are you going to set THAT on your VCR?

Prodigious quantities of alcohol were consumed last night. It may take me a while to become coherent again.

From Timmy:

A correspondent for this blog has been investigating the odds that Gordon Brown will fail to hold an election before June 2010.

That is, that he will suspend democracy.

The original thinking was that at 100 to one or something it would make an interesting little bet.

Paddy Power is offering 1:3.

Eek.

Via the ever-sensible (for an MP, anyway) Douglas Carswell, comes this delightful tail of another totalitarian twat:

His plans to rein in the internet, and censor some websites, are likely to trigger a major row with online advocates who ferociously guard the freedom of the world wide web.

However, Mr Burnham said: “If you look back at the people who created the internet they talked very deliberately about creating a space that Governments couldn’t reach. I think we are having to revisit that stuff seriously now. It’s true across the board in terms of content, harmful content, and copyright. Libel is [also] an emerging issue.

First off, you fucking illiterate loon, how the fuck do you think you're going to rate websites? I use blogger, which is based out of the USA where they have fairly strong free speech laws. They will just tell you to fuck off. Secondly, there is nothing in the HTTP standard that allows any kind of censorship or rating system. So this is just a load of wishful thinking cockwaffle on your part.

Secondly, given the totalitarian nature of your government, is it any fucking surprise that people want a place where you can't stick your filthy fascist fingers in?

And stop fucking lying about libel, you cunt. The same laws that govern libel in newspapers and other media apply to the intermong as well. You're just fucked off because there is a whole media sector that doesn't suck the pink pole of Labour spinmeisters, a bunch of people who have found a way of providing a real opposition viewpoint to your government's incompetence and lies, since Call Me Dave is so entirely fucking useless at it.

Keep pushing, fuck face. Sooner or later it's going to boil over and the harder you squeeze, the worse it's going to be for you when it does pop. I'm off to the piano shop now.

Cunt.

The end of an era for the product that did more to change the relationship between entertainment producers and consumers than any other:

Pop culture is finally hitting the eject button on the VHS tape, the once-ubiquitous home-video format that will finish this month as a creaky ghost of Christmas past.

After three decades of steady if unspectacular service, the spinning wheels of the home-entertainment stalwart are slowing to a halt at retail outlets. On a crisp Friday morning in October, the final truckload of VHS tapes rolled out of a Palm Harbor, Fla., warehouse run by Ryan J. Kugler, the last major supplier of the tapes.

"It's dead, this is it, this is the last Christmas, without a doubt," said Kugler, 34, a Burbank businessman. "I was the last one buying VHS and the last one selling it, and I'm done. Anything left in warehouse we'll just give away or throw away."

In the space of my life, I've seen the change from cinemas being the only way to watch movies to the development of the home cinema. Even the iPlayer and youtube owe their existence to the concept of ubiquitous VHS recorders.

I have a pile of videos that I never watch but can't bring myself to throw out. It's all over now.

Amazon is holding a promotion on their MP3 downloads. Enter the code FREEMP3S in the promotion box and you will get £3 off any downloads. Given that they have a whole bunch of albums for £3 and individual songs for as little as £.59, it might be worth having.

This is only valid for Christmas Day and Boxing Day, and you only get one shot at it. But it's free music, so enjoy.

In addition, the iTunes store is offering one free download per day for 12 days.

PS You're still a cunt.

Listen, I hate Christmas as much as the next motherfucker, OK, but I appreciate that some people might see it as a good thing. I certainly wouldn't go as far as this cunt:

SCIENTISTS have warned that Christmas lights are bad for the planet due to huge electricity waste and urged people to get energy efficient festive bulbs.

CSIRO researchers said householders should know that each bulb turned on in the name of Christmas will increase emissions of greenhouse gases.

Dr Glenn Platt, who leads research on energy demand, said Australia got 80 per cent of its electricity by burning coal which pumps harmful emissions into the atmosphere.

He said: "Energy efficient bulbs, such as LEDs, and putting your Christmas lights on a timer are two very easy ways to minimise the amount of electricity you use to power your lights."

He said the nation's electricity came from "centralised carbon intensive, coal-based power stations" which were responsible for emitting over one third of Australia's greenhouse gas emissions.

Dr Platt added: "For a zero-emission Christmas light show, you may consider using solar powered lights or sourcing your electricity from verified green power suppliers."

Dear Dr Glenn Twat: just go fuck yourself, you lentil-munching, cock-sucking, goat-felching, fuck-faced spazmong of a killjoy dildo.

Cunt.

Jesus, I think I got stung as well:

Really, this complex, long-term plan makes Madoff look like a rank amateur.

You've probably lost money in this Ponzi scheme without even knowing.

Maddox has an update.

We are not worthy!

The missus is visiting her mam for Crimbo. And on Christmas Eve, in the spirit of Christian kindness that envelops us all at this time of year, some retarded little cock monkey keyed her car.

Really, how fucking pathetic do you have to be to key someone's car? I would definitely re-introduce the death penalty for mindless car damage, including TWOCing. If the fucking police won't take it seriously, then your new Prime Mentalist certainly will.

Cowardly little cock-gobbling arsewipes.

Ho fucking ho!

Update: Best Christmas post of the year, so far:

Have a happy Christmas, and if that offends you, have a huffy Christmas. Either is fine with me. And remember, a few hours after you fall asleep tonight, a strange old man with a sack is going to sneak into your child's bedroom going 'Ho ho ho, I've got a surprise for you'. And he's never been CRB checked either.

Sleep well.

Guest post at Trixy.

Oh yes he is:

The Tory immigration spokesman was taped without his knowledge by officers wearing covert microphones.

A superintendent cleared the surveillance operation before the MP was arrested into an inquiry about leaks from the Home Office by a civil servant.

The bugging techniques officers used to arrest Mr Green are usually employed by only anti-terrorist specialists.

The Metropolitan Police said the extraordinary lengths were used to ensure everything said by officers and Mr Green was on tape.

In a statement, the Metropolitan Police admitted a tape of Mr Green was made "without his knowledge".

The issue had now been referred to the UK's covert surveillance watchdog "for their advice", the force added.

The Met said: "A tape sound recording was made of the MP's arrest and subsequent period in police charge, without his knowledge, prior to arrival at Belgravia Police station from Kent.

"This was authorised at superintendent level to provide an accurate record of anything that may have been said by officers or the MP over a period of nearly two and a half hours.

"This was done with the best of intentions

The best of intentions, eh? Say, for example, to give him every possible opportunity to incriminate himself? Just imagine the implications if he'd made an off-the-cuff joke.

Fucking cunts.

I'd just like to bring this old post to everyone's attention again. Even though we don't have the same rights as the septics, it's worth watching to see some of the tricks the police use. It may save you a lot of pain one day.

Headline in the Times: "Darling gets his sums wrong".

Really? I didn't think Darling was anything other than the straw man to take the flak for the Gorgon when shit went wrong and the Gorgon took all the credit when shit went right.

Anyway, it seems like we're even more fucked than we thought:

Last month, the Chancellor said the economy would contract by between 0.75 and 1.25 per cent next year, in line with Bank of England forecasts but more optimistic than several independent analysts. Economists at Capital Economists predicted a 2.5 per cent contraction, the deepest downturn since 1947.

I don't know who Capital Economists are, but I bet they're closer to the truth than the Gorgon and his sock puppet. And it is with no great surprise that I also read that:

Some ministers believe he will have to paint a bleaker picture of the nation's prospects for 2009 when he delivers his Budget in March or April. That, in turn, could force the Treasury to revise upwards his huge borrowing figure of £118bn for next year, since tax revenues may be lower and spending on state benefits higher than expected.

But there's no point in blaming the badger-browed Trot for this. This is all Gorgon's work.

My flabber (and there is a lot of it!) is ghasted:

Motorists at fault in minor accidents face £60 fines and three points on their licence in a clamp down on careless driving by the Government.

Thousands of drivers who would have escaped prosecution for collisions after simply swapping insurance details will now face likely prosecution as soon as the police become involved.

An array of trivial motoring offences in addition to minor crashes are also likely to lead to action under proposals to give police powers to issue fixed penalty notices for careless driving.

They could include eating, drinking or smoking at the wheel, reading a map, tuning a radio or arguing with a passenger.

All funds raised from the on-the-spot fines will go directly to the Treasury, which already makes more than £100 million a year from speed cameras.

Yay! More milking the motorist by stealth taxes! And of course, the spineless British motorist will just roll over and take it.

I've gone beyond being angry and frustrated. I'm beginning to hate this country.

I was saying that I expect a lot of redundancies in early 2009 and Bill d'Sarse said:

What's the betting that none of them receive a bail-out cheque from Mandy. Unemployment figures spread across the country will not have the same effect on local voting as say, erm, a large car maker?

And you know, I'd already had that thought. And I bet everyone who's been paying the slightest bit of attention has already had that thought as well.

It must be all those corrosively cynical right-wing bloggers, the bastards.

Inspired by Richard Timney and Tractor Stats

Sometimes its hard to be a fella
Giving all your love to just one gal
You'll have bad times
And she'll have good times
Doing things that you don't understand
But if you love her you'll forgive her
Even though she's a five bellied hag
And if you love her
Oh be proud of her
'Cause after all she's just a slag

Stand by your slag
Give her two arms to cling to
And something warm to come to
When nights are cold and lonely
Stand by your slag
Tell the Redditch rag you love her
Keep giving all the love you can

Stand by your slag
Stand by your slag
Tell the Redditch rag you love her
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your slag

Ouch:

Nick Hood, a partner at the corporate rescue and recovery specialists Begbies Traynor, said: "I would not be surprised if between 10 and 15 national and regional chains collapsed before the end of January."

Matthew Sherwood, a senior economist at analysts Experian, said: "We're looking at one of the worst retail environments in terms of the Christmas shopping season in probably somewhere around 17 years, certainly since the last recession.

"In terms of 2009 I don't see too much hope. I think it's going to be a very bad year for retailers."

Retailers employ lots of people, don't they? Lots of people on the dole. Hmmm. Just as well we have the Great Helmsman to steer us through these rocky times ...

The cunt.

I always take the piss out of the cheese-eating surrender monkeys, but really, I admire them more than anything else:

A maverick lawyer who styles himself the motorists' defender has vowed to bring the French justice system to its knees via a groundbreaking website that automatically challenges radar-generated speeding convictions.

After just one month in operation, the site - www.direct-avocat.com - already has 120,000 subscribers, who for a maximum fee of just 8 (roughly £7) have been helped to file legal objections against fines or the deduction of licence points.

For Yannick Rio, who devised the software with the help of an American car users' association, the aim is to flood the courts with so many appeals that they are unable to cope. Under the French penal code, the punishments will lapse if the challenges are unanswered after a year.

Rio says he is providing an outlet for the growing anger in France at the proliferation of radars and other controls, and at the undiscriminating manner with which the state uses them to collect hundreds of millions of euros every year.

Can we not do something similar? Imagine if every single speeding fine in this country was challenged ... the courts would collapse. Is there an enterprising lawyer out there?

Or do you reckon (like I do) that the apathetic average British retard will be too scared in case he gets in trouble for standing up for himself?

Via the excellent Counting Cats comes some truly uplifting news that should gladden the heart of every reader:

Organic farmers have asked the Government for permission to take a “holiday” from strict organic standards in an attempt to survive the recession.

In other words, we're not making enough money, so can we please fuck our "principles" to compete?

And even better:

In its attempt to cut costs, Toyota has scaled back production of many of its vehicle lines, including the Prius, and postponed the new factory investment in Mississippi. Also, even Toyota, which has strived relentlessly to establish its image as an environmentally conscious carmaker, can see that with crude prices back in double digits, the consumers are cheerfully postponing their need to go green.

Those pesky consumers! Always thinking with their wallets!

So, it's clear to me that "green fashion" will be one of the major casualties of the credit crunch.

Bring it on!

... and in the brave new world of ZaNu Labia, that's got to be good enough. Doesn't it?

Almost four in 10 crimes are not being investigated because police officers believe they cannot be solved.

The offences include sex attacks, violent robberies, harassment, burglary and drug incidents.

The Metropolitan Police, the country's largest police force, decided that more than half of crimes did not warrant full investigation as there was little chance of the culprit being caught, according to The Daily Mail.

The Met said that in the 2007/8 financial year it "screened out" a total of 437,888 offences. These included 26,709 violent offences, 338 sex attacks, 5,562 robberies and more than 60,000 burglaries.

For burglary, the Met only investigates one in three cases reported to them. In Bedfordshire, which last year screened out 42 per cent of crimes, one in three burglaries do not get a full investigation, while in Norfolk, 113 sex attacks were among the 42 per cent of crime screened out.

Although the percentage of screened out crime falls for more serious offences the force still excluded 290 offences of violence, 12 sex attacks, 32 robberies and 16 drugs offences.

It was found that across the country, of the 16 forces who replied to a Freedom of Information request, 39 per cent of crimes were screened out - an equivalent of 1.9 million out of the five million crimes reported.

I'm surprised, really, because 100% of my interactions with our bovines in blue has resulted in a zero effort to investigate at all.

And these figures don't even mention the sleight of hand that these fuckers indulge in by reclassifying crimes. As far as I'm concerned, if someone nicks my car to go joyriding, that's theft. But to the police it's "taking without owner's consent", which is much less serious, and since it's much less serious, they can't be arsed to investigate it, let alone solve it.

40% of crime just gets ignored by the police. Does that fill you with any kind of warm feeling? How about we just scrap the whole fucking shower and start again?

Cunts.

Quite frankly, bugger all:

Police are being called out to deal with 40 violent incidents in schools every day, research has found, prompting fresh fears over a breakdown in classroom discipline.

No part of the public sector carries more blame for the lentilisation of society and breakdown of standards and discipline than teachers. The useless fuckers don't want to discipline kids, don't want to teach the little scrotes anything, and whinge and bitch like stuck pigs while behaving like junior managers rather than educators.

Fuck 'em. I hope they all get knifed and tagged. Cunts.

Update: Blaney agrees. Kinda.

Heh.

Schmoking their shocks?

Ecological consciousness is taking a leap forward with the release of Ecofont, a TrueType font designed to save ink and toner, by the Utrect-based Spranq creative communications agency.

Spranq achieved Ecofont's resource-saving magic by shooting the open-source Vera Sans font full of holes. As the company's website claimed: "After Dutch holey cheese, there now is a Dutch font with holes as well."

According to Spranq, the Ecofont can cut your ink or toner usage by "up to 20 per cent" - although the company warned that "the smaller the fontsize, the lower the saving."

Our testing showed this to definitely be the case. When used for standard text, Ecofont's holey nature is invisible. It's only when used in headline-sized type that the holes - and their concomitant toneriffic savings - become apparent.

Not content with their fontastic foray into saving the earth, Spranq also offers additional eco-friendly printing tips ranging from the obvious "print only when necessary" to the less apparent "use modern color separation techniques." Rich black (overlays of C, M, or Y on dour ol' K) appears to be a Spranqian no-no.

Do these people really not have anything better to do?

Hat tip to Fuck Off, here.

Cunts:

It will not cost Bob Quick his job, but it has seriously dented his reputation as an officer of impeccable judgment.

Like his cunnilingual support for Jacqboot Smith's 42 days proposal, you? That kind of impeccable judgment?

Update: Me likee...

Bugger my toe:

It's something any bank would demand to know before handing out a loan: Where's the money going?

But after receiving billions in aid from U.S. taxpayers, the nation's largest banks say they can't track exactly how they're spending the money or they simply refuse to discuss it.

"We've lent some of it. We've not lent some of it. We've not given any accounting of, 'Here's how we're doing it,'" said Thomas Kelly, a spokesman for JPMorgan Chase, which received $25 billion in emergency bailout money. "We have not disclosed that to the public. We're declining to."

Pardon?

The Associated Press contacted 21 banks that received at least $1 billion in government money and asked four questions: How much has been spent? What was it spent on? How much is being held in savings, and what's the plan for the rest?

None of the banks provided specific answers.

"We're not providing dollar-in, dollar-out tracking," said Barry Koling, a spokesman for Atlanta, Ga.-based SunTrust Banks Inc., which got $3.5 billion in taxpayer dollars.

Some banks said they simply didn't know where the money was going.

"We manage our capital in its aggregate," said Regions Financial Corp. spokesman Tim Deighton, who said the Birmingham, Ala.-based company is not tracking how it is spending the $3.5 billion it received as part of the financial bailout.

The answers highlight the secrecy surrounding the Troubled Asset Relief Program, which earmarked $700 billion — about the size of the Netherlands' economy — to help rescue the financial industry. The Treasury Department has been using the money to buy stock in U.S. banks, hoping that the sudden inflow of cash will get banks to start lending money.

There has been no accounting of how banks spend that money. Lawmakers summoned bank executives to Capitol Hill last month and implored them to lend the money — not to hoard it or spend it on corporate bonuses, junkets or to buy other banks. But there is no process in place to make sure that's happening and there are no consequences for banks who don't comply.

Sounds like people are following Gorgon's lead after all.

... the Gorgon's been caught out already:

"[Brown] hinted that a Treasury forecast of recovery in the second half of 2009 may prove optimistic after the cheating Dickensian Mr Merdles' of modern finance crashed the economy."

Kevin Maguire: weapons-grade cock-end with his head firmly up Gorgon's prolapsed ringmeat.

Warning: only click the second link if you have a strong stomach.

Update: Window Licker points out that the article contains the worst Photoshop ev4r:

That head is completely the wrong size for the body, isn't it?

Via Counting Cats, this utter cuntwaftery:

The Hokey Cokey is an old novelty song that has been sung in music halls, at children's parties and at sherry-fuelled family gatherings for many years.

But according to the Catholic Church and some Scottish politicians, singing the popular tune that begins with the words "You put your right hand in, your right hand out," may constitute an act of religious hatred.

A spokesman for the leader of the church in Scotland said the song had disturbing origins.

Critics claim that Puritans composed the song in the 18th century in an attempt to mock the actions and language of priests leading the Latin mass.

Now politicians have urged police to arrest anyone using the song to "taunt" Catholics under legislation designed to prevent incitement to religious hatred.

All I can say is:

What a complete fucking fatuity this is. I don't give a flying fuck about the origins of this terrible song, but rest assured that if it offends a Scottish politician, I will be singing it at the top of my voice every time I set foot in that fucking shithole of a frozen tundra.

Let me further guess that all those "assurances" given at the time of the passing of the fatuous Religious Hatred bill are not worth the spunk in a week-old used condom?

Cunts.

Update: Via the Croydonian in an unrelated post:

This calls for an Emo Phillips joke:

"I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said, "Baptist!" I said,"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" He said, "Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said,"Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

The Landed Underclass has an interesting thought here about private CCTV:

It’s not sufficient to persecute photographers in the street; there is always the chance that police misbehaviour might accidentally be recorded by a private CCTV system. Many such systems are no longer a technical joke and some are as sophisticated as those on which taxpayers’ money is so lavishly spent. Even antique equipment has its uses (try a 500mm SLR lens, with an appropriate adaptor, on any old C-mount surveillance camera; you’ll need a very solid mount, but you’ll get identification evidence at more than 100 yards).

It would doubtless be convenient and profitable for the Home Office, on the basis of some contrived scare-story, to demand the licensing by local councils of private CCTV systems, ensuring that the police would have power of veto over equipment specification and positioning, providing a complete database of all those businesses to be briskly visited and have their records seized in the event of, say, a demonstration in the vicinity, creating a new criminal offence of unlicensed possession of surveillance equipment (together with carefully worded catch-alls to allow confiscation of ‘unusual’ cameras or lenses and to rake in on-the-spot fines, and more powers of entry for everyone with a uniform, down to the town hall caretaker) and quietly supplementing council income to allow a political point to be scored in the matter of ‘limiting council tax’.

First one to spot the contrived CCTV scare story, let us all know. Because as soon as I read it, I knew it was coming.

A lone voice of reason in the Tory party is John Redwood, who for his consistent sensible position on financial matters makes me feel that he too, should be spared the piano wire and lamp-post solution:

You may need bank bridging finance if you were slow to make the adjustments, but that can be no substitute for controlling the losses. You cannot ask future customers to pay more for the product to pay for the subsidy you gave to current customers. They will not be prepared to do that. State loans can be an excuse to put off the necessary adjustment. They are also a massive diversion of top management time from tackling the reality that costs have to be slashed to survive in dreadful conditions like the present.

... is this one:

The Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO) is not a staff association (the separately constituted Chief Police Officers' Association fulfils that function). ACPO's work is on behalf of the Service, rather than its own members.

The Association has the status of a private company limited by guarantee. As such, it conforms to the requirements of company law and its affairs are governed by a Board of Directors.

It is funded by a combination of a Home Office grant, contributions from each of the 44 Police Authorities, membership subscriptions and by the proceeds of its annual exhibition.

ACPO's members are police officers who hold the rank of Chief Constable, Deputy Chief Constable or Assistant Chief Constable, or their equivalents, in the forty four forces of England, Wales and Northern Ireland, national police agencies and certain other forces in the UK, the Isle of Man and the Channel Islands, and certain senior non-police staff. There are presently 280 members of ACPO.

Any organisation that gets government money must either be directly accountable to the community from which it gets its money or accountable to parliament. This shower of shit is neither, and I'm willing to bet a fiver that it is precisely this very New Labour organisation that has aligned the police so closely to political objectives and political correctness rather than FUCKING PROTECTING THE PUBLIC AND NICKING VILLAINS WHICH IS YOUR FUCKING JOB YOU CUNTS!!!

Informix displaces Oracle at China Telecom.

Replications demos.

A DB2 Blogger makes an interesting observation:

I was just wondering what would be the near and long term future of DB2 LUW since IBM is marketing Informix over DB2 for OLTP systems.

Another ex-Informixer gets a name check.

Zoho again.

Vendorrate again.

Using Data Studio 2.1 with IDS.

Never mind, you fat cunt, you can repent at leisure.

The twat was running a chaffeur service from his house, which was advertised in public. He even bragged about using ex-police drivers. The Mail on Sunday got hold of this and pointed out that this might be a bit of a security risk, what with Quick being the head of the anti-terror unit and all.

So the twat gets all huffy and claims that this is now all a big security risk, evacuates his family and then, even more bizarrely, issues a press release claiming that this was all "an attempt to undermine an investigation which is legitimate. The Tory machinery and their press friends are mobilised against this investigation in a wholly corrupt way, and I feel very disappointed in the country I am living in."

Christ, what a maroon!

At 15.45 the Conservative party issues this statement in reply: "The Conservative Party played no part whatsoever in the publication of this story. Assistant Commissioner Quick's claims of corruption and intimidation are absurd and wholly untrue. As the officer leading the inquiry into the allegations involving Damian Green, Assistant Commissioner Quick should display objective professionalism and not make baseless, political attacks. He should retract all of his allegations immediately."

A few minutes later Mr Quick issues this statement: "I regret and wish to retract my comment regarding corruption. The comment was made as I was in the act of having to move my family out of our home to a place of safety following the article in today's Mail on Sunday."

Mind you, I'll give him one thing: he makes Ian Blair look competent.

Update: Big Mac thinks Quick is well out of order and New Scotland Yard is too cosy to New Labia.

At last, science gets a champion!

So, James Hansen not good enough? Oscar-winning Nobel-winning Al Gore not good enough? Acres of media coverage not good enough? Climate change "deniers" lumped in with Holocaust deniers not good enough? Scientific consensus claims not good enough? Coldest winter in 30 years not good enou ... er ...

Cunts.

I read in Private Eye (no online source, sorry) that the Serious Fraud Office really wants to drop any further investigations into Saudi and African arms deals. Due to a rather Calvinist upbringing, I find the idea of giving backhanders to do business repugnant. But I did wonder what the reader's view of such activities was.

A callous pragmatist might consider it just a cost of doing business. Is our "moral compass" right or wrong to denounce this kind of thing? After all, it's not really any different to dropping your price at the end of the day. And if everyone is doing it...?

Update: Guthrum says it's bad.

That's an elastic balance sheet!

In other words, the bank [HSBC] was able to gear itself at around 20 times its shareholders capital.

Meanwhile:

In other words it [the Bank of England] was able to gear itself more than 110 times its shareholders total capital.

What the fuck is the government up to?????

Jesus wept! You know, I'm all for outsourcing economic activity left, right and centre, especially if it means keeping it out of the hands of this insanely corrupt and inefficient government. But there are some things I'd rather remained here, especially if we are to remain a nuclear power:

Britain no longer has any stake in the production of its nuclear warheads after the Government secretly sold off its shares in the Atomic Weapons Establishment in Aldermaston.

Ministers agreed to sell the remaining one-third ownership to a Californian engineering company. The announcement, which means that Americans will now produce and maintain Britain's independent nuclear deterrent, was slipped out on the eve of the parliamentary Christmas holiday. Officials refused to say how much the deal raised.

Opposition MPs last night expressed concern that the stake may have been sold off below market value to raise much-needed money for the Treasury. They accused the Government of trying to conceal the sale of the stake in AWE Management Limited by failing to make an announcement in Parliament.

There was also anger that Britain would no longer directly control the site where Britain's nuclear warheads are produced and maintained.

Obviously, the treasury is so fucking desperate for cash, they're holding a fire sale. What are you going to flog off for a sixpence next, you useless fucks?

I'm not very popular for holding the opinion that Britain is so fucked that the best thing I can do is get out of here. But when you read shit like this, what else can you do but despair?

I saw this, and my immediate reaction was "how much other incompetence will the rozzers sweep under the carpet using this bloke?"

The daughter of a woman killed a year before Rachel Nickell said she was "thrilled" that her mother's death is one of at least three unsolved cases police plan to interview killer Robert Napper about.

Not that I think the police are a bunch of incompetent fucksticks who can't tie their own shoelaces without adult assistance, or anything.

Via Mrs Dale, I see that the ZNL Stasi are launching another attack on bloggers:

It looks like the Stalinists within the government are going to try to succeed where the European Commission has failed - to silence blogs. PoliticalBetting has a story today alleging that the government intends to tighten up libel laws to make it easier to sue bloggers.

So, while it's still open to discussion, let me hasten to say that Bridget Prentice is another fascist authoritarian jackbooted arse-faced old harridan who needs a visit from the candiru fish factory.

Cunt.

You know things are bad when you feel admiration for the boss of OPEC:

In a speech in London, Mr Brown said "wild fluctuations" in prices in recent years had damaged the global economy.

But Abdalla Salem El-Badri of oil producers body Opec said the PM should focus more on cutting UK petrol taxes.

Mr El-Badri, Opec's secretary general, told the BBC the UK had benefited more than most countries from high oil prices because its taxes on petrol and oil extraction were the "highest in Europe".

"Instead of looking at Opec he should look at his policies and try to reduce taxes," he told the World at One. "Then he can talk to us."

And this is front page on Al-Jabeeba. That's gotta hurt.

Update: Window Licker wants to send Abdalla a Christmas card.

Dolly Draper had a power breakfast to discuss getting a left-of-centre equivalent to Iain Dale and some Labour hack wasn't invited:

Clearly Derek Draper doesn't realise that some of the more powerful and useful elements of the Labour blogosphere exist beyond the M25.

Ooh, hark at her!

I give up. The guy got a lot of bad press despite winning two elections and I never believed he was anywhere near as dumb as he was made out to be. He got caught short on his oratory plenty times, but just look at the clips on youtube showing what a useless cunt Obamalamadingdong is without his teleprompter and you'll realise that Bush isn't really any worse than The One.

But in the dying days of his presidency, he seems to be determined to leave behind a legacy as the US equivalent of old tax 'n' spend Brownshirt himself.

What the fuck is he thinking?

... today I had only got out of bed when I heard the door. I rushed down in excitement to answer it, and only realised at the last minute that I was bollock naked.

I threw the door and stood behind it so the plumber could only see my face. Only to find it wasn't the plumber but the TV man.

"Hi our records show you don't have a license at this address," he said.
"We don't have a TV either," I said. Even though we could both hear the Neighbours theme coming from the living room.
The TV man gave me a look of disbelief.
I stood out from behind the door in all my bollock naked glory.
"You can come in and have a look if you want," I offered.
"No you're alright," he said hurrying away up the path.

Beats depending on Charles Moore!

I saw this on the Thunderer's front page:

Rachel Nickell’s killer linked to 109 sex crimes

And I thought: "Fucking hell, that's serious police incompetence."

And then I saw the Incrediblydespondent:

An incompetent police force

And I thought: "What about Colin Stagg?"

From the Garadiun:

Rachel Nickell killing: Met apology a long time coming, says innocent Stagg

and from the Times again:

Colin Stagg: how I endured being a 'national hate figure'

And then I thought: "Bet nothing will be done to punish those who fucked up so royally."

And then I saw the Twatograph:

Rachel Nickell: Police rule out inquiry into failings

And will lessons be learnt, I wonder? Hot to trot, the Met are, when it comes to learning lessons.

'Lessons learnt' in Nickell case

British policing in six headlines, right there. Those who we pay to protect us, do nothing useful, persecute an innocent man and then hide from accountability.

Disgraceful in every way.

Cunts.

It seems it's not all youtube clips out there! Yay!

A woman brings 8yr old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her 8yr old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?!?!?!" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

And:

Just to prove that Paul McCartney has no bad feelings against Heather Mills, he has bought her a diamond encrusted false leg for Christmas.

It's not her main present from him - just a stocking filler.

And:

What do blind people think about when they masturbate?

Probably: "Who the fuck is watching me?"

Inspired by the Window Licker, I thought I'd offer the (not so) faint-hearted a chance to vent festive spleen in the den of iniquity known as grumpycunt.com.

It's not always a good idea:

Without the false sense of security given by the government regulation of financial markets, investors would surely have been far more careful about where they put their money. They would have investigated the risks involved more fully and favoured reputable, conservative institutions.
Instead of investors in general having a responsibility for monitoring their counterparties we have handed the job over to a government institution. When that fails - tough. Also, the key objective for a financial institution is not to build reputation and trustworthiness but to make sure it complies with what the regulator wants. Financial institutions look upwards towards the regulator and not downwards towards their clients.

Which is obviously what the government wants, but is it any good for us poor saps who pay for all this shit?

Oh, and anything who says the banks aren't regulated enough will get a shoe in their face.

Opposition politics, red in tooth and claw! (Check out the photos!)

Hat tip to the Penguin

I wonder if Labour are beginning to regret their hubris?

The number of people who lose their homes because they can no longer pay the mortgage is expected to rise by 67% by the end of next year.

The Council of Mortgage Lenders (CML) said today that repossessions will rise from 45,000 this year to 75,000 by the end of 2009.

It also said the number of homeowners falling more than three months behind with their mortgage repayments will more than double to 500,000 households.

I think this is going to make the 90s look like a walk in the park.

From the anguish of agony aunts, this:

The risk is that the impact of their parents' break-up can sometimes scar children for life - that is why there is a role for government to intervene.

The risk is that the impact of the death of their dog can sometimes scar children for life - that is why there is a role for government to intervene.

The risk is that the impact of their bicycle accident can sometimes scar children for life - that is why there is a role for government to intervene.

The risk is that the impact of discovering their parents are human can sometimes scar children for life - that is why there is a role for government to intervene.

The risk is that the impact of being forced to eat sprouts can sometimes scar children for life - that is why there is a role for government to intervene.

The risk is that the impact of realising James Bond isn't real can sometimes scar children for life - that is why there is a role for government to intervene.

The risk is that the impact of seeing what happens when you pull daddy's finger can sometimes scar children for life - that is why there is a role for government to intervene.

Really Ed, I know you're a fucking idiot and all, but really, this is pathetic, even for you.

Update: It seems Bobshead feels the same way ...

... for just $5000!

If they're not entitled to it, here's how to get them to remove it from their records.

NASA is giving them away*.

*There is a small handling fee.

Dude, WTF? What kind of deranged cock-biting fucktard dreamed this shit up? It's like sending anthrax powder in your Christmas cards! Do you do it just in case the happy recipient of your card might want an excuse to get out the fucking Hoover?

Get a grip you fucking cuntbunnies: it's not cute, it's not clever, it's a fucking annoyance of the highest order.

Continuing a great tradition of some trough-snuffling pigs being more equal than others, we have this gem in the Gaariund:

The joint leader of the country's biggest trade union is expected to face questioning today by his national executive over demands he has made for nearly £100,000 to vacate a heavily subsidised London flat which was purchased by a personal acquaintance in a deal worth £1m.
Tony Woodley, the joint general secretary of Unite, which represents some of the lowest paid workers in the United Kingdom and is now bankrolling the Labour party, is to be asked to explain his role in the deal, which was originally a sale between another union and a commercial company.

Hmmm. So, let me get this straight: he was living in a heavily subsidised flat and when they wanted to chuck him out, he didn't say "Thanks for letting me stay there for fuck all for the last 15 years", he said "Give me £100,000 and I'll move"???

And I do mean for fuck all:

Woodley has been living there for 15 years at a fixed rent of £200 a month with all his electricity and heating bills included

Jesus. Even in Elephant and Castle, that's a fucking sweet deal. And it's described as "a historic building", so it's probably not just two up and two down terrace in a slum, either.

The flat has never been registered as a residential dwelling so Woodley has never paid any council tax on it.
It was granted to him as an inter-union favour by the Confederation of Shipbuilding and Engineering Unions (CSEU).
The CSEU was negotiating to sell the commercial offices and the flat to a Scottish property company, Unicorn Developments, and offered him £15,000 to quit it.
After much negotiating they later raised this to £55,000 but suddenly, to the company's solicitors' surprise, the Transport and General Workers Union – as part of Unite – made an identical offer for the same building.
Then a private company in Woodley's home town in Merseyside, Purple Apple, which also has a contract to manage the TGWU properties, made a higher offer. Documents show that the sale was made personally to the late Gerry White, then director of the firm and who the union confirm was a long standing acquaintance of Woodley's. The commercial firm pulled out.

Go read the whole thing.

Brothers.

Once again, right on the mark:

Mr Mandelson stressed the government could not simply write a blank cheque for businesses that did not employ large numbers of Labour voters in key marginal seats.

Hat tip to the fishy one.

Via the ASI, I discover Iowahawk. This is some funny shit, really:

Washington, DC - Pointing to the devastating weekend Indian Ocean tsunami that left over 24,000 dead, an international blue ribbon committee of climatologists and ecoscientists today issued a stark warning that man-made pollutants have increasingly "make water spirits angry."

The blunt conclusion prefaced a 2300 page meta-analysis of hundreds of scientific studies and computer models detailing links between human industrial activity and wrathful eco-deities. Entitled "Fire Bad: Fire Very Bad," the report warns that the planet faces additional catastrophies unless drastic regulatory action is taken to appease Earthen-furies.

"Unclean money devils anger sacred water spirit Tai-Waku," explained Martin Knudson of Scripps Oceanic Institute. "He now call angry to son the whale, 'make slap with anger-tails! Bring vengeance-surf to villagers!'"

He also has 10 things you can do to save the planet, which includes stuff like "supporting Robert Mugabe" and "going on a random killing spree"; advice for the lovelorn from Barack Obamalamadingdong; and comments on the war on terror:

On Tuesday, new British Prime Minister Gordon Brown met with representatives of the medical and car communities and announced that the government would henceforth prohibit occupational and transportational profiling by public officials. Brown said further government communications would prohibit the use of certain prejudicial words like "doctor," "Vauxhall," "podiatrist," "propane," "Asia," "drive," "ticking noises," "panic," and "the." Brown also announced the formation of a blue ribbon multicultural community advisory board chaired by Dr. Mohammed Ibn-Yasin of the UK Islamic Podiatric and Car Bombing Club.

And finally, Heere Bigynneth the Tale of the Asse-Hatte, and Archbishop of Cunterbury tale.

Get stuck in!

Inspired by commenter curly15 in another thread, I thought I'd set out my plan for lancing the boil (it's in a pretty random order, I admit!):

1. Immediately dismantle every single state-controlled CCTV. Every single state database project will be cancelled and police will no longer receive funding from speeding offences. ANPR cameras will not be allowed to store history. Police will be made accountable to local residents. Complete purge of paperwork to the very barest minimum, focus will no longer be on "successful detections", rather on quality and quantity of investigations, possibly including "customer satisfaction". Abolish PCSOs. Crown prosecution service abolished and every member sacked. Decision to prosecute returned to the police. Every sitting magistrate, justice and law lord sacked and start again.

2. Withdraw state funding from every single charity and quango. Any organisation funded by the state to be under the control of a minister. No funding without control.

3. Suspend pending a review, or where possible, terminate immediately every single consultancy agreement between the state and consulting firms.

4. Repeal every single piece of legislation introduced by New Labour.

5. Cut current employment budgets for each department by 95%. Sack every single civil servant and make them re-apply for their job. All civil service benefits will immediately become subject to the same restrictions as the private sector and no more defined benefits pensions will be allowed. Same applies to MPs. All subsidies in Parliament to be removed. Lords will receive reasonable expenses and no salary. MP salaries will increase in line with inflation figures published by the government. John Lewis list to be replaced with ASDA list. Second homes only if outside Tube coverage or more than 60 minutes by public transport. Massive cut in the number of MPs / constituencies.

6. Raise the tax threshold to £12000 and introduce a flat tax of 25% thereafter -- no exemptions, exclusions or fucking about. Hopefully the rates could come down or the threshold go up as the cuts started to bite. VAT would be abolished. Tax review to identify all stealth taxes and abolish them all. National Insurance Ponzi scheme shitcanned and replaced with an actual insurance project, funded out of income tax if possible. Corporate taxes would be at a flat rate of 25% as well. To cope with the anticipated sacking of 95% of the civil service, companies would get an allowance for every new permanent employee who remains employed for longer than 12 months and was never formerly employed at that company. Abolish the minimum wage.

7. Tell the EU to fuck off. Free trade with all, no binding entanglements with anyone. All EU-based regulation chucked in the bin. Companies who still wish to trade with the EU are welcome to comply with EU regulations.

8. Sack every non-medical person in the NHS apart from the switchboard operators. Break up the NHS so that every hospital, dentist and GP practise is its own business. Restrict "free at point of delivery" to A&E and long-term illnesses only. Everyone can "go private". Voucher system for state contribution to the medical insurance of your choice which will be sufficient for basic health care at any insurance provider.

9. No state curriculum. Schools can do whatever they want. No state sponsorship of LEAs or schools individually: parents will get a voucher for each kid that they can use to put them in any school they like. Schools can choose how much extra they want to charge, if anything. Exams are a matter for the schools, but the International Baccalaureat and International GCSEs will be recognised. Universities are for people who want to learn more, so all admissions targets will be scrapped. Students will be given loans which will be interest free until they commence gainful employment at which time they will be repaid and attract interest on the outstanding balance at BOE rates with a target of being repaid over a period of time equal to the duration of the loan. Repayments will be deducted at the same time as tax, but will not exceed the amount of the citizen's income, unless specifically authorised by the person.

10. Smoking will be re-introduced into buildings with appropriate and adequate extraction devices. This will be aggressively policed to make sure that they are adequate. (Because I fucking hate smelling like an ashtray.) People who want to continue the smoking ban in their buildings may, of course, do so.

11. Watchdogs will get teeth and focus will be on detecting crimes rather than ticking boxes.

12. Climate change can get fucked. Feed-in cuntwaftery abolished. No preference for renewable energy, which must stand or fall on its own merits. Commissioning of nuclear power stations with immediate effect or buy in loads of these. We could probably get a bulk discount.

13. Complete dead stop on all current military capex projects. New military buying to focus on what is necessary to support soldiers in their current engagements followed by a review of the purpose of the military in a Libertarian society (defence, mainly) and a committed 4-year program to fund that structure. No preference for buying British, just buy what works best.

14. All state pensions will be funded by tax feeds into the black hole, sadly. But by reducing the state budget for employees to nearly nothing, the black hole will not grow much. Any surplus in the budget will be used to buy insurance or shares to help reduce the size of the black hole.

15. All current benefit programs will be entirely abolished and replaced with a basic, un-means-tested citizen's income for subjects of Her Majesty, i.e. people born in the UK or people who have been naturalised. Paying tax for a minimum period of four years will be a pre-condition of naturalisation. Such people will be over the age of 16. There will be a further, small supplement on the birth of the first child. Subsequent children are your problem. No benefits for EU citizens or for asylum seekers. Asylum seekers would be housed in basic accommodation and provided with supermarket vouchers in line with the citizen's income for a period of three months and then chucked out onto the street.

16. Complete review of health and safety regulations with a view to making people regard common sense as more important than risk aversion.

17. Complete abolition of all regulation that could be used for rent seeking and all regulation that encourages moral hazard. Bank and other shares currently owned by the government will be sold on the open market. No bail-outs for anyone. Banks and other financial institutions will retain sufficient funds to meet depositor requirements, failure to comply with this (if a bank has a run and can't meet deposits) will result in criminal prosecutions with life sentences for the board of the banks. Regulators will be incentivised on successful prosecutions of crimes which could cause individuals loss of money. Regulators will be massively de-incentivised on frivolous prosecutions.

18. Massive prison capacity-building projects. Crimes against individuals will carry stiff minimum sentences so that even if bleeding-heart judges want to let cunts off with a slap on the wrist, they can't. All trials by jury. Juries can note a recommendation from a judge or coroner, but can't be directed.

19. All drugs legalised. Really nasty Class-A stuff will be available free on prescription and must be consumed under medical supervision. Other drugs will be made available through approved pharmacies and profits from these will be hypothecated to dealing with the consequences of drug abuse, programs to get people off drugs or reducing the tax burden on all. I don't expect many profits, though, because I don't want to make it so expensive that a black market develops.

20. All business regulations scrapped completely and redeveloped on the basis that individuals are engaging with other individuals. Employers and employees will negotiate contracts of employment that suit them both. The state will provide sample contracts that can form the basis of these contracts if people want them. Any regulation will be to allow detection of abuse, rather than to encourage a box-ticking mentality.

21. Land value tax will replace council tax. Councils will receive no government funding. Councils will be subject to a range of minimum standards and strict limits to what they can do. They will have no responsibility for schools, health care, social justice or anything other than sanitation and keeping the environment presentable (streets clean, street lights working, gum and dog shit off the streets, etc.) Competition in managing services versus taxes levied to be encouraged and results published.

22. Abolish any road charging schemes and all bus lanes will be strictly limited to "rush hours" only. Routes not demonstrably full of bus passengers will lose their bus lanes. All subsidies of privatised "public transport" will be removed. All regulation of fares will be removed. All contracts for ownership of routes will be terminated. All rail networks will be open to competitive tender for the management and maintenance thereof. Death of a passenger will attract an immediate prosecution for corporate manslaughter for the entire board of the responsible companies (train and network maintenance.) Same for bus companies. The only get out would be proof that the circumstances were outside their control (such as a plane landing on their train or bus.)

23. Completely open and transparent, audited statistics published monthly on inflation, unemployment, money printing, etc. Since I don't expect to be re-elected, I want you to know just how shit the situation is I inherited, what I've done to fix it and how things look when I leave.

24. All discriminatory legislation abolished. No preference for travellers, Muslims, Jedis, one-legged blind black lesbians. No mandatory paternity leave. Mandatory maternity leave reduced to three months. Public pools that have "Muslim-lady-only" sessions will be filled in and the managers shot.

Update: 25. Firearm ownership to become legal. Licensing required. Training required and an annual proficiency test. Restrictions based on mental health or criminal grounds.

Update: 26. Abolish the license fee. The BBC, Channel 4, etc., can all go fuck themselves. Cunts.

If people like what they see and vote for me again, I'd do my level best to reduce income tax further by reducing the amount spent on vouchers because I really do believe people can spend their own money more wisely, but I accept that this depends on nearly full employement and that people at the margins could lose out.

Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Tuesday, 30 December 2008

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Friday, 26 December 2008

Thursday, 25 December 2008

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

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Friday, 19 December 2008

Thursday, 18 December 2008